There’s at least one thing the average, and I stress the word average, Yuman agrees with; it’s too damn hot. Yes, they all recognize the rising temperature, while simultaneously denying that global warming exists, but nonetheless, seem to understand that 140 degree weather on Thanksgiving Day deserves both questioning and anger. It’s so hot you that a nuclear explosion probably wouldn’t make much difference to the temperature, although, that’s not going to stop me from begging for one.
But, you see, bitching about heat in Yuma is as ordinary and boring as well…Yuma. My point is that unlike the heat, the music scene is here to stay. On the other hand, if mother-nature decides she has had enough, global warming will finally melt the ice caps, causing cold freshwater to pour into the northern Atlantic ocean and disrupt the Gulf Stream ( the water current that keeps our continents nice and toasty) and eureka: we have an ice age! But I’m not going to put you to sleep with all that uninteresting science stuff! I’m going to tell you why the music scene is another reason to make Yuma the next Hiroshima.
NOTE : If you listen to country, this doesn’t really apply to you. You’re perfectly content listening to whatever piece of trash (cough cough Gretchen Wilson) drunkenly wanders in the local reservation Casino. I envy you. Also, if you happen to like 80’s has-beens, you also have a fine array of music selection: Blondie! Peter Frampton! Who’s next? God, please let it be Billy Idol.
For the rest of us, well, the title says it all. If you didn’t want to smell like testicles and desperation while listening to a high school kid mimic the ‘tards he saw on MTV, then you didn’t have an option. Better stay inside and illegally download music, the way the good lord intended.
The only problem is that not everyone understands that it’s their civic duty to not pay for bum shows, to not go out and support talentless musicians, even if they’ve “been your friends since like, seventh grade.” Before you go out and pay $5 whole dollars on a Paramour knock-off, think to yourself, Does the world really need another Paramour? Hell, does the world even need one Paramour? And because people don't think, we get places like Modern Cultures.
Modern Cultures is a sad, small, poorly ventilated room for rock n’roll. Only there’s no rock and roll left; no smoking, no drinking, no drugs. They didn’t say “no sex” in the sign, but I’m pretty sure no one who goes to that place is getting laid. Nor are any of the scene kids “bangable.” To whomever runs that rat hole here’s some sound business advice everyone learns in highschool:
1. Liqueur makes boring people cool. You want cool people. Allow it.
2. Smoking makes boring people look cool. You want to look cool. Allow it.
3. Parents are not cool. Disallow it.
You'd think that list is obvious right? And spare me the lecture; I know the first two rules are against the law. But hey, it’s not rock n’ roll unless you’re breaking a few rules. That place is more monitored and righteous than Sunday school. Hence, they have no business, and are going to turn into the next Java Oasis. And why the hell are there 5 parents for every 1 kid? Especially that creepy, overly friendly, old dude who is clearly past the age one is allowed to have such a ridiculous haircut. Anyhoo, the sorry music scene isn’t your entire fault!
In a breezy summary, it also has to do with the fact that all the bands are full of hacks that most likely learned music by playing blink 182 tabs, and have now evolved into sounding like a tornado of screaming monkeys. And I mean all of them. Music theory is not something you can learn over night, children. I’m all for creativity and self-expression and art and all that stuff that makes you sound open minded, but at the end of the day I also want something decent, with a tune I can hum or lyrics that make me go, “Wow, I couldn’t have thought of that!” But I guess, until the ice age freezes us up like little forgotten meatballs in the back of the fridge, we’re left with this, because telling a scene kid to not support obnoxious music is like telling a dog to not hump your furniture.
But, you see, bitching about heat in Yuma is as ordinary and boring as well…Yuma. My point is that unlike the heat, the music scene is here to stay. On the other hand, if mother-nature decides she has had enough, global warming will finally melt the ice caps, causing cold freshwater to pour into the northern Atlantic ocean and disrupt the Gulf Stream ( the water current that keeps our continents nice and toasty) and eureka: we have an ice age! But I’m not going to put you to sleep with all that uninteresting science stuff! I’m going to tell you why the music scene is another reason to make Yuma the next Hiroshima.
NOTE : If you listen to country, this doesn’t really apply to you. You’re perfectly content listening to whatever piece of trash (cough cough Gretchen Wilson) drunkenly wanders in the local reservation Casino. I envy you. Also, if you happen to like 80’s has-beens, you also have a fine array of music selection: Blondie! Peter Frampton! Who’s next? God, please let it be Billy Idol.
For the rest of us, well, the title says it all. If you didn’t want to smell like testicles and desperation while listening to a high school kid mimic the ‘tards he saw on MTV, then you didn’t have an option. Better stay inside and illegally download music, the way the good lord intended.
The only problem is that not everyone understands that it’s their civic duty to not pay for bum shows, to not go out and support talentless musicians, even if they’ve “been your friends since like, seventh grade.” Before you go out and pay $5 whole dollars on a Paramour knock-off, think to yourself, Does the world really need another Paramour? Hell, does the world even need one Paramour? And because people don't think, we get places like Modern Cultures.
Modern Cultures is a sad, small, poorly ventilated room for rock n’roll. Only there’s no rock and roll left; no smoking, no drinking, no drugs. They didn’t say “no sex” in the sign, but I’m pretty sure no one who goes to that place is getting laid. Nor are any of the scene kids “bangable.” To whomever runs that rat hole here’s some sound business advice everyone learns in highschool:
1. Liqueur makes boring people cool. You want cool people. Allow it.
2. Smoking makes boring people look cool. You want to look cool. Allow it.
3. Parents are not cool. Disallow it.
You'd think that list is obvious right? And spare me the lecture; I know the first two rules are against the law. But hey, it’s not rock n’ roll unless you’re breaking a few rules. That place is more monitored and righteous than Sunday school. Hence, they have no business, and are going to turn into the next Java Oasis. And why the hell are there 5 parents for every 1 kid? Especially that creepy, overly friendly, old dude who is clearly past the age one is allowed to have such a ridiculous haircut. Anyhoo, the sorry music scene isn’t your entire fault!
In a breezy summary, it also has to do with the fact that all the bands are full of hacks that most likely learned music by playing blink 182 tabs, and have now evolved into sounding like a tornado of screaming monkeys. And I mean all of them. Music theory is not something you can learn over night, children. I’m all for creativity and self-expression and art and all that stuff that makes you sound open minded, but at the end of the day I also want something decent, with a tune I can hum or lyrics that make me go, “Wow, I couldn’t have thought of that!” But I guess, until the ice age freezes us up like little forgotten meatballs in the back of the fridge, we’re left with this, because telling a scene kid to not support obnoxious music is like telling a dog to not hump your furniture.
